Log in

No account? Create an account
photography, Kitti, art, me, kink

Kitti, the Unstoppable Hex Machine

...and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries...

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Post Life-Changing Changes.
photography, Kitti, art, me, kink
Yeah.... so I moved.
I'm now living in a rather cool flat in Hove with my two good friends John and Nick.. who are rather awesome.
Bizzarrely, the day after I moved in (after putting everything away in it's right place, etc) I had very strong instincts to stay put.  It was Samhain, and I should have been off doing other things but I could not leave.  The place is home to me instantly which is incredibly strange and also awesome.

So, new house, new landlady, new housemates (wel... just "housemates", cause before I didn't have any)... generally one wouldn't think that would be cause to change my entire lifestyle, but it seems to have been bloody good 1st step.

I've started to wear my clothes in different styles.  This started before the move but at the time I only bought one dress and was still wearing the old grungy stuff I've been wearing since I was 15... now I'm almost exclusively more girly, more glamourous I suppose.

I've also dyed my hair again.  It's now kind of a dark fuscia... (dark future.. hehe)  and am listening to a lot more good old rock, less metal, and more folk.  
Also instead of hating my position at work, I'm relishing the fact that I've no idea what could happen tomorrow... and due to that I've started doing overtime and all sorts.  It used to be I'd have a hard time waking up because all I wanted to do was stay away from work... nothing's changed at work, it's just me. 

Another strange thing is that my priotities in terms of "relationships" have totally about-turned.  I'm really missing playing with couples, whereas when I left the last one I swore I'd never go back... just witnessing two people's intense love from the sidelines just made me feel like that's what I wanted to have too (for the first time ever in my whole life...)
Now I'm back to my old slutty self, it seems. 
Now I just want to play... Live fast, die young and leave agood looking corpse.
Pay no mind to most other rules and regulations and just live by my own personal creed once more. 
Most of all... I don't want to be tied down.  Tied up, yes... but not tied down.

I feel like I used to feel way back before I met Adrian.  Back then I would be seeing 5 or 6 different entities (a couple or a single person being an entity) all of whom knoew we were not exclusive and were fine with that... probably mainly because I treated each one of them as if they were the most important thing to me, when I was with them.  That was the truth back then.  Whoever I was out with or playing with or whatever was the most important person.  In those moments, I belonged to them completely.  The next day, I may belong to someone else... but I was lucky enough to be able to get emotionally close to all these people (have a "relationship") and all of us being completely ok that we see other people... in fact, I think we were all more happy that we were all sluts, but we could still feel close and loved.

I haven't wanted that back for almost 4 whole years.  Now I do.

Once again I feel free... even though I know that I have next to no money at the moment, and no idea what's going on with my job, and bloody Christmas is looming (my least favorite time of year)  and I don't give a monkeys!!!  I just want to get on with my life and have a good time.  Fuck the rest.