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photography, Kitti, art, me, kink

Kitti, the Unstoppable Hex Machine

...and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries...

Jiggety Jig....
So, decision made. I'm leaving.

I can't stand to be around the people that have betrayed me, and I have absolutely no interest in rekindling friendships with people that have shown no interest in doing such with me.

My Mother and my Family are more important than hedonism, plus I really hate my job now. I'm sick of living a lie. I can't stand corporate consumerism, I'd be more at home in a commune with no electricity or hot water; or, indeed, just in a tree playing my guitar and singing to the cosmos.

I imagine I'll get some small town menial minimum wage job, probably waitressing again. I really enjoyed that last time, and maybe I'll be able to learn to drive - I've never been able to afford it here in the City. I will miss my beautiful, savage city - but I'll not be gone forever. I'll return one day when my responsibility is done.

Perhaps being back up there and away from Stevie will help me return to the scene a little more, too... It has been playing on my mind of late... just remembering the feeling of my hair being pulled; my face slapped; harsh words in soft tones.. mmmm. That's just the rub, though, isn't it. Play is never the same as in my head. Play is always different, and Dom/mes are always different, and couples are always different.
I wish I had the courage to just get out there again, but I really just can't. I remember all my previous encounters, the pain - emotionally, as well as physically. Some telling me to scream louder, some telling me to be silent, when all I can be is myself. My pain threshold changes almost day to day - as do I. Nobody ever seemed able to understand that.... well.... one couple, but they're gone forever now.

This is the right decision. The hardest, yes, but the right one.

Tomorrow, I give my months notice at work, and I am praying they tell me not to work all of it.

Kit. xxx