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photography, Kitti, art, me, kink

Kitti, the Unstoppable Hex Machine

...and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries...

We are the heirs to all the world
I wanna dance with this fire, cause it's all that I know.

It's possible that I only fail at achieving my dreams, because I had the wrong dreams.

The transition seems to be nearly complete... I'm almost myself again. It took that yellow son of a whore to make me realise it but I've been scared of life for far too long now.

I remember a time when I used to relish the thrill of the fight. I didn't care about debt or going hungry... I was always hungry. Hungry for more life, and that was it. I keep thinking that I'm not as great as I once was because I'm stuck in monotony... but who's fault is that? Surely it is I, and I alone, who has control of me. Something isn't working, change it. Change is something I have been fearing too. Not anymore..

Part of me just wants to run down to the beach into the water and scream into the waves to carry me off to some other distant land... or some other life. Part of me believes that in doing so, I have given up the fight.

Most of me, though... most knows that the only possible way to be happy and achieve anything is to follow your own heart. This is what I will now do. I was afraid before, not having my mentor, my Master, to guide me like he did before. It's taken me years to realise that I don't need guidance.. all I need is me, and the will to survive, the will to just keep fighting even when everything seems lost.

I have been obsessing about the past and wishing I was there again, instead of dreaming of all that could be if I would just let go of all that history. Tonight, I'm going to build a great bonfire and burn all that memory, all that fear and hatred. Tonight, I am reborn (again) and this time, I'm here to fucking stay.