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photography, Kitti, art, me, kink

Kitti, the Unstoppable Hex Machine

...and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries...

I believe in Justice
photography, Kitti, art, me, kink
I believe in Vengeance
I believe in getting the bastard, getting the bastard, getting the bastard.

I've had to wait until now to write this. I had to wait for the atomic bomb of anger and hatred to explode, soaking everything in salty water, and devastating everything in it's path. Now I'm in the fallout; the nuclear winter, but I'm not going to freeze. He will freeze, at least until I'm ready to seek real revenge.

Remember how happy I was when Matt said he wanted to be friends with me again? It took me almost 6 months to get over him the first time, and all the way through that I was still coming up with hair-brained schemes to win him back. I was so excited just to have contact with him again, just to spend time with him; go to blues gigs like we used to; drink like the devil himself and not get drunk. He's the only one I know that's stronger than me in that respect. I was content just being friends... the sex kind of just happened... then I decided I was quite happy with it continuing to happen. He told me how much he loved me, how much he missed me, and how that other girl was crazy and opressive, and he was well rid of her.

I was really really happy. Everything else was falling apart - work, my sanity, I wasn't sleeping, finances are totally up the spout but I really didn't care when I was with him. I figured that this was it. This is the reason than for an entire year I've been unable to have any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone, despite then being rather suitable. I just never let myself get close enough to love them, or even just to be infatuated. Matt brought all that back in spades. I got to remember what love is like... for one week.

The last thing I got from him was a voicemail telling me how much he loves me, misses me and wishes I was with him. "Let us have the best year ever", he said. "Us".

For over a week I've been tearing myself apart trying to think of how I could have hurt him. Scared out of my wits that something terrible had happened to him, and even more petrified that I might never see him again, after only just getting him back.

On Saturday, a friend had to tell me he's back with this apparently crazy girl. He's also deleted and blocked me online. After all those messages I sent telling him how much I was hurting, and how sorry I was. Really humiliating myself and basically begging him to reconsider and forgive me... promising to make it up to him in any way he saw fit. After an entire week of crying myself to sleep, sick with worry... this is the reason for his silence. I really don't see how anyone could be so heartless - especially Matt, he's a total pussycat. Correction: was. Was a pussycat. He's just an evil bastard now.

He made me feel like I'd fucked up again - like I had done wrong. He made me flip out and hurt myself more and more as time went on. Above all that, it must have been fucking awful for my friends having to deal with depressed, hysterical me. I'm so sorry guys.

I don't think I've been this angry for years. In fact, I'm almost certain that the last person that made me this angry almost died. I imagine he's out there somewhere with his big fat bride, having a good old chuckle about how thier evil plan worked. I doubt he's told her we slept together, it really sucks that I didn't film any of it. Ah... I'll take it on the chin for now. Let them have thier twisted happiness.

One day though, when people have forgotten how angry I was, how much neat whisky I drank at the pub that night, tears splashing on the bar and ruining my pretty, tainted face. When all that is clear out of thier minds, he will get his. If she was, as I suspect highly, in on the whole ordeal... she'll pay too, in her own nasty little way. A fire will arise so big that all the Gods will just have to look down on the burning couple, with thier eyes of flame judging every evil thing they ever did. They will feel the pain that was once mine. Judgement day will come to them a lot sooner than they anticipate. I can hear thier screams above the drumming... thier frightened pleas for clemency; pleas for rescue; pleas for anything but that, I imagine. One day, I will laugh at them the way they are, even now, laughing at me. The only difference will be that, unlike those cowards, I shall be laughing right in thier faces as their skin starts to blister and peel.

There is a secret song at the centre of the world, and it's sound is like razors through flesh!

I will win, in the end. They will have thier comeuppance and I shall have my vengeance. May the Gods have mercy on thier souls.