I am beginning to remember why I was a commitment-phobe in the first place.
That horrible sinking feeling you get when the person who has spent the last few weeks claiming to adore you, just goes offline and then does not answer his texts.
When I was polygamous, I never worried about such things, I just carried on as usual and found some other person to amuse me.... now I am bound to one specific person, what do I do when he runs off like this? Of course when something happens for which we have no explanation, we always start thinking the worst. He's gone back to his ex; he's decided he doesn't love me after all and it was just a big rebound; he's heard some kind of viscous rumour about me and now will never speak to me again. These things are all running through my head now and making me want to reach for the whiskey and the blades.
This is insecurity at it's finest. Insecurity is irrational, mostly... but my insecurity is based on past experiences. Lots of cases where men have sworn to adore me and hurt me forever if I would just worship them, and I do.... and then they just get bored, somehow.
I would like to think that Troi is not one of these... After all, he did spend months trying to get me to abandon my independence and start this entire monogamy thing up again.... but it is entirely possible that now he's won me, there's nothing more for him.
Oh, I miss my Masters. Adrian and Fayth always knew exactly what to say to stop me fretting like this. That, and they were almost always contactable if I needed them. I'm a damn fool for giving them up.... I just couldn't handle the kids. I'll most likely make a terrible mother, so what's the use of monogamy anyway? I miss my Masters so much :-(
Kitti, the Unstoppable Hex Machine
...and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries...