"The Great Conjunction is the end of the world! Or, the beginning"
This weekend something amazing happened. A person I would never have thought powerful enough in a million years, has taken me and broken all my barriers one by one. He has changed me, I hope for the better.
I have abandoned a good deal of my previous beliefs and fears, and replaced them with hope, and (of all things) trust. His name is Troi and he is mine. I am also his. He seems to have found me in my own dark little enclosure, slowly cutting myself off from anyone and everyone that would dare to get close to me, and he has brought me back into the light.
Monogamy now seems to be the name of the game, and where before I found this horiffic, frightening, and boring... with him, it is none of these things. I still have the bruises he gave me last week, and yet I know he will always care for me and protect me. He refuses to be called my Master, although I know in my heart that is what he is, and I will serve him until such time as he gets bored of me and lets me go.
The crazy thing is, I am happy. My entire career and home life is falling apart around me and I am *still* happy. I could be sacked and evicted tomorrow but I know it would all be ok because I would still have him. This is a feeling I have not felt for at least 5 years... maybe more.
I miss him intensely at all times, and this is totally bittersweet because thinking of him still puts a smile on my face, even though it hurts to be away from him - which is, unfortunately, most of the time.
I am falling, definitely, at an alarming rate... and all because an ex friend begged me to take away her "stalker fuckbuddy". Heh...
Tangled webs FTW.
Kitti, the Unstoppable Hex Machine
...and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries...
- The Great Conjunction